it was late june or early july, and my friend luke was going to introduce me to his buddys at the t-spot so we head over to find out that they were at the pool chilling. we head over there and i met the guys. they were chilling with a group of girls who just moved in and were being friendly with them, and me being me, i was in my leather jacket, jeans and a rancid shirt smoking my unfiltered lucky strikes just being a crass yet still quite self. the next day beer pong. good times were had. then came the day...well a few days before, my leaving for virginia so a party was thrown. and low and behold shelly was there, sure she was there for the other get togethers but this was the first time her and i actually spoke. now im in virginia and im on face book and i see a post about my going away shindig and what was going on. and i commented about the tetris game and shelly and i were talking there. then she friended me on facebook and we swaped screen names for aim and started talking. then her and i started flirting and what not. then she said the 3 words that i tend not to throw around meaninglessly, but for some reason i felt that i could say them to her, so i did. now fast forward to nov i figured i would go out to cali to spend thanksgiving with family but shelly said why not spend it with her. so i flew out to cali and spent a week with shelly. i had fun. then on the saturday 2 days before i was to fly back she came up to me saying she wanted to know if iit would be ok for her to have sex wtih me, i didnt say no. we did. it was fun but i still dont know what the hype is all about, but i digress. so now it has been a little more than a week of me being back in virginia and i am talking to shelly after her and i havent talked for a few days and i over hear her talking to one of her roomates. the roomate said that her and this guy will would make a cute couple and i know that the guy is her friends with benefits and i have told her, you dont want to be the go to for a booty call, but she didnt listen. so anyways she then goes and said something on the lines of "well we are just friends with benefits and it would take a miracle for him to actually say something for this to progress any further than that". at that point i knew where i stood. but her and i ended our convo. at 4 am my time she ims me and i told her that her and i needed to talk about something. well i told her what i over heard and she said that i heard it wrong .i then asked her if she liked will and if she wanted to date him seriously and move forward from being just friends with benefits. she said yes. so i told her i obviously heard her right. she said she wanted it but couldnt have it and should jsut get over it. she then said that she doesnt want to force him into a relationship. so me being the all-knowing that i am, i told her that she doesnt want to force him incase it doesnt work out or if he says no becuase then she would feel like it was all for nothing and would prefer him to want it and therefore needing a miracle for him to say something to make their current relationship progress. and that i was only in the picture if it didnt work out or he said no. and that i was only a backup plan. at that point she said she couldnt talk about it and i told her that really it had to be said cuz i wanted to confirm where i stood in this and that she just confirmed that i am just a back up plan, the fall back, the safety. to which i gave her advice on what she should do but i told her that i am not going to be her safety or backup that the only way i can consider dating someone is if i am the #1 to them not just a fall back, because that is an insult to me. so i told her that what we had was nice as long as it lasted but i wouldnt get my hopes up for anything to move forward, since i wouldnt cuz of where i stood in her life. to which she says i love you nate please dont forget that. at this point i just said to myself she doesnt know what she wants or who she actually loves and that i would just end up getting hurt like i did in the last relationship i had. so here i am venting telling the story on the internet where no one is going to read, comment, or give their input because hell no one cares really.
mind you the conversation was held last night and today i took her off facebook my aim, skype and out of my phone. i dont want to have my hopes up, but i do want he to realise that i am the right choice for her and not just a notch in the bed post.
this always happens, this is why i dont date or get my hopes up, this is why i just have to give up. im 23 sure there are plenty of women out there, but im 23 i want a stable relationship, i want commitment, not marriage, just a nice long term relationship where both parties are happy. but needless to say i figure the numbers are against me so why bother.
no im not going to kill myself, but i am gettin shitfaced tomorrow no matter what.
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